Hey everyone. My name is Nora. I’m 27 years old. I overcame insurmountable odds to be here. I have come face to face with a deep, ineffable suffering that is the birthright of every human, as horrible as anything, as old as consciousness, as typical as the sky at night. But I don’t really want to talk about that. Please do not bring it up in front of me. Hey, what’s for dinner?
A number of us who live with complex, poorly understood chronic illness feel marked in some way by the experience. There’s a shared language among us; a common understanding that there are these people who get it and to whom it doesn’t have to be explained. But the chasm between us and the unmarked is so vast, sometimes it doesn’t feel it’s worth translating to non-natives anyway.
“It” came back in the past month. That cruelty that I had hoped was left far behind me in 2018, but I had hoped this with a thin wispy hope standing on a frayed feather. I’d no idea what had really caused the suffering that I shorten to “2018” or “it,” and simply could not devote very much of myself to wondering. If the answer wasn’t in my face, it likely would pull me from the joys I could experience in the present.
Humbled doesn’t start to cover this existence. I have been learning a bit about boundaries. I’ve wondered why I choose to remain in a life that frequently violates my boundaries.
I suppose for right now, the answer is “Just in case.”
Dearest Nora,
From a non-native…sending you love and well-wishing for WHATEVER YOU’RE MEANT TO BE LEARNING, whatever the #$*@ that is, as well as whatever you’re meant to be “translating” for others sharing this human condition.
Your “Just in case” is huge……….and maybe worth the gamble of sticking around.
Sending on whatever “help” I can, and of course be in touch as you wish. Much love, Claudia